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just stop here my heart

Minggu, 02 April 2017
(sigh)

Halo guys, sorry for a long time without writing in blog. such a busy and tiring day by day and I just can write on my manual diary lol.

i got frustrated by someone unknown. since.....November? or December?

Btw I'll use Billingual. Karena kadang-kadang aku sendiri susah ngomong bahasa bule wkwk *ditampol


this will be a very-very-long-one-sided-love-story-again.


i can't imagine ketika umur 19 ternyata aku ngeliat banyak cara buat flirt a guy just by the text. serius deh, selama ini gak pernah mau liat something like that because when a guy starting to chat me it's feel disgusting (sorry for saying that). kecuali emang ada perlu. kalo memang butuh, mau itu cewe atau cowo yaa gak masalah. B aja gitu.

mungkin gara-gara aku berusaha menyesuaikan diri dengan yang namanya sosial media, jadinya aku "kebawa". When I was waiting my 19th bday, i was chatting  with someone unknown that he adore the same band as me. he said "happy bday" and give a wish. well, from that i just think about seseorang yang dari dulu gak pernah ngucapin ulang tahun padahal kita udah temenan dari SMP. jadi, maksudnya gini, dia yang aku kenal cuma lewat sosmed aja "mau" nanya ttg ulangtahunku dan bisa ngucapin gitu, masa yang kenal dari lama gakpernah tau ulangtahunku? kan kesel. so, since that I promise to be a "kind person". yaps! kind person yang kalo ditanya pasti jawab. dulu, aku kalo ditanyapun gak mau jawab. mendingan aku keep sendiri daripada ngobrol ke orang lain. haha I got truth issue I guess.

well, semua terjadi begitu saja. mungkin efek lelah sama lingkungan yang sedang lovey dovey dimana merah jambu bertebaran, jadi aku kena cipratan si merah jambu itu. masih gara-gara sosmed...

sebelumnya aku gak pernah tau, kalaupun tau juga paling cuma sebatas "oh ada dia" trus lupa. trus aku gak peduli mau ada dia atau engga. awalnya sih begitu. lalu gara-gara Chaosmyth (lagu terkutuknya oor but i love this song so much), we started to chat. not kind of chat yang gimana-gimana. cuma nanya sesuatu yang berhubungan dengan olah vokal. dan berakhir dengan dia yang sent sticker trus aku abaikan.

later, he text me again. dengan keadaan dimana kita satu grup regional. bukan chat yang gimana-gimana. serius. ini biasa aja. he ask me dimana aku tinggal karena ternyata kita satu tempat yang sama. what a coincidence! malah dia sering lewat gang yang biasa aku lewatin kalau ke kampus. i don't think too much at that time. but slowly i started to think over him. he keep reply when I was just sent a sticker.

hey, aku ini bukan orang yang suka nongol di grup. just a silent reader who show once and gone for long. and when he keep doing that... It feels like....

he found me.


HAHA CRAY!! just because all of sudden he call me at 00:00 when my mom still wake up and i just cant reject the call since it's him! padahal aku nolak ajakan telponan dari orang lain malem itu, dan 4 menit yang isinya halo sama hahaha (I swear i cant think clearly and i got tremble until i dont know how to speak) masih di jam yang sama he fall asleep when i cant sleep bcz i hear his laugh and deep voice.

month by month was pass by. and i still think of him. i still want to know him. and meet him if i have a chance. but it's already done. i drop easily now bcz think of him. my mom was angry to me bcz i became like this. he's still doing something he like and keep ignoring me. he never text me again. but sometimes he'll facecall or freecall me. but, it just sometimes. , , mungkin kalo dia lagi bete aja. yaaa, i become one call away.


if you found my blog and read this, hmm you know that i like you, and you said you liked me too. so, why i just feeling lost? you still live happily today without me and why you said that kind of word? text me if you're not liking me. don't dissapear... you know i dont have a brother who can lean on. please, act like you are my bro. i'll not think you as a man if you want me to do that. i'll treat you like bro. i swear i'll be nice lil sis for you.

if you want.....